After I had talked to the Pig and got up I had to make sure that there was or was not a beast. Cause I was tiered of not knowing. As I walked through all of the bushes with my bear feet it tickeled a lot. It was very hard and long to get up the mountain without anyone to help me clime up and make me have a laught at the same time. But I steadfast up the mountain.
When I first got up the mountain the head look striaght at me and I got very tremulous cause the eyes looked dead into mine. But then when the winded died down the head went back down. So I walked up to it and it didn't attack me or anything like that. I didn't even look up. BUt I notcied that it was stuck between some rocks.
So I pulled it out and it just floted off the moutain side. But then I realized it wasn't a beast it was a dead parachutist. So I had to run down the moutain and tell everyone. But all of the trees kept on getting in my way so I had to go out of the forest and get on the beach and run arount to them like that.
When I got to the beach and got to Ralph's camp. No one was there. So I guess they made a new camp or they went to go be in Jack's group. I had noticed a short cut between the trees. So insteed of running completely running around I would just run through. As I got close enough I could see them dancing and singing. Then Piggy crying for some reason and every one was laughing.
But all of the other littluns looked croruped by Jack's ability to give them meet. And I see some of the boy's running out of the forest. But I could barley hear what they were saying. But it seemed that they were saying he's here, he's here or something like that and pointing in my direction. Then when I got to the camp I heard kill the beast, cut his through, make him bleed and I couldn't speek right. So I could only say parachutist on the moutain. But then all of a sudden I was knocked over and I was getting bit, scracthed and stabbed. I can't even speak cause I could barley breath. So I couldn't say it was Simon. I had started to lose conchisnes. before I knew it I was dead.
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3 comments:
Wow your blog was good you provided some good descriptions. However I not sure you used all the words correctly
-Robles
Markus,
I liked your blog it had some really descriptive detail and it flowed. I like how you start the story in present tense, then how at the end you throw out "Before I knew it I was dead." this totally threw me off, in a good way. Because at the end you show us that Simon was actually telling us the story after he was dead not while it was happening.
Even though your blog was great there is always room for improvement. In these sentences you were very descriptive but I think that you used the word Steadfast wrong "It was very hard and long to get up the mountain without anyone to help me climb up and make me have a laugh at the same time. But I steadfast up the mountain." Maybe you should say "But I move at a Steadfast pace so I could reach the top of the mountain before dark." *Steadfast means - Set in stone, not changing, or firmly placed. You can probably guess witch one would be best to use in your story.
At some times in the story you mixed up the order of some of the events from the chapter but that didn't stop the flow of the story. And you also had some spelling errors and at some parts you used the wrong spelling of a word for example you said, Meet, like you are meeting someone. Instead of Meat, the the food you get off of an animal.
I really enjoyed reading your blog and I hope you can get up your next blogs so I can read them.
-- Katie Brooks
This blog was very descriptive in some parts, like how you said the bushes tickled simon's feet.
There were a lot of spelling errors that need to be fixed. I also think you should change the color of the font because the writing is hard to see against the dark background. I don't think you used steadfast or corrupted correctly, please fix. You also didn't include the conversation with the Lord Of The Flies, which is one of the main things we are suppose to have.
Overall, this was a pretty good blog. I hope you can catch up with the rest of your blogs.
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